Guilty.

how heavy heaven feels

in the weight of my fingers

stroking the skin between

my eyebrows and nose

calculations are cold

and the rigidity of their

actions cannot be left

in the memories of hands

that are not my own.

How hollow? How long until

this hallowed presence

will be gone this time?

I had my convictions made

and there on that bench

I took three steps back.

mother may I stop shaking

now and feel again?

It is refreshing yes,

but this is frightening.

I know it will always

continue but the difference

is just that.

This emptiness eclipsed

by ghost arms who never hold me anymore.